Snippets of Life
by Umi-chii
Summary: Ever wonder what life would be like, if there's no world to save or dominate? A collection of oneshots packed into one, where you get to see what the gang's daily life are suppose to be. [Snippet 4: The AntiButter Sieg]
1. Not Uke, Right?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rave. Hiro Mashima does. This ficcu inspired by Inexorable. Beta-ed by schyra again 3  
**Warning:** Major abuse of eye contact, jaw falling and mentions of asses. Oh, and people being hit by lightning.  
**Note:** Well… I was piqued, one day, to write a Rave version of Inexorable's Snippets of Life, which is a DN Angel one. 3 And since I really couldn't resist it anymore… I have to write them down. And I shall start with our courtroom scenario. Shuda wearing a tutu is still unjustified… I just… can't resist the image of him wearing a tutu… XD Also, do not say anything hurtful about the way I write stuffs happening in the courtroom… because I literally don't know how things go in the courtroom. xP Besides, this ficcu is intended to be fluffy (and in the meantime, a teensy bit perverted xD)

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**.Snippet 1: Not Uke… Right?**

It all started with one survey, about which position you should be in bed that led to an argument, and soon, a case in court.

Everyone was seated in their rightful places, and Shuda couldn't help but keep up his insistent tugging of his collar. He's suffocating, and the glare coming from Sieg on the opposite table isn't helping him. And that doesn't include Haru being fussy.

Finally, the clock struck 1 in the afternoon, and everyone sat upright in their seats as the two lawyers arranged themselves.

Doors opened on one side, everyone standing up to greet the little judge who entered, not entirely surprised with his size. Well, not really. Some are still confused as to why their judge is a little kid with a white wig covering his mop of blue hair and an oversized coat. There were even some blue bangs poking out of the wig.

Coughing, the boy scrambled into his high chair and pulled out a little wooden mallet from his cloak. The essential item needed by a judge.

Along with the mallet came a wooden base with a shallow round hole in the middle, revealing its true nature: a nutcracker.

Smiling, Niebel grabbed a nut and was about to crack it with the mallet when he felt a cold glare in his direction. Shivers ran down his spine from the chill. He turned his head and met cold, piercing, purple eyes and regrets his actions. He quickly avoided them and turned his attention back to the crowd. He sighed and glanced at each and every face with a bored look. He coughed again and motioned for the pink sentinoid beside him to start the roll call.

The pink penguin of a hybrid stood up and pulled an old-fashioned scroll from his red Santa hat. Then, in a squeaky voice, Ruby read the words written in the scroll.

"Ye are all here, witnessing the upholding of justice upon our victim, Shuda, poyo, with his lawyer, Haru Glory, poyo, from our suspect, Sieg Hart, poyo, with his defendant, Lucia Leagrove, poyo, on the stroke of 1 in the high noon here at the High Symphonian Court, poyo, on the 7th day of the 7th month of the 0067th year, poyo, with our honorable judge to bring justice, Niebel, poyo, about whether or not Shuda-san is truly an uke, poyo."

With that said, the penguin resumed his seat beside the boy as Niebel lifted the mallet and struck it down upon its base. "Great. First, a fight between a woman with centers and a guy with man-boobs about a carrot-horned white bald dog, and now two lovers suing each other, one wearing a tutu while the other pink. Gods, why do I always get the queerest cases?"

Everyone stared at the boy until he finally stopped his ranting. Coughing slightly, Sieg glared at the boy. "Can we start now? I have very limited time, just so you know."

Grumbling and huffing, the boy straightened his collar and motioned for Haru to start. "Case, begin." And he brought down the mallet.

"Your honor," the crunch of a nut can be heard, "I'm here asking you to grant justice upon this poor soul here," some knuckle-cracking, "who currently sues his very own lover for saying things that are complete lies!" Thunder is heard outside the courtroom even though it's a very sunny Tuesday.

Shuda twitched and glared at his silver-haired lawyer, not believing he had been degraded into a 'poor soul'. And oh, at the crowd too since they all gasped, as if they didn't know what the case was about.

Hearing this, the blond lawyer scoffed and stood up in objection.

"Your honor, I tell you this and for everyone's information, Shuda truly is an uke in the first place—"

"I object! He lies!"

This time, it's Shuda who has slammed the table with his fist. A long silence occurs. Even Sieg was forced to stop checking his nails and stared at the redhead.

Clicking his tongue, purple eyes gazed at the red head in a mocking manner.

"And do you have any proof?"

"Yes, I have proof!"

Again, the crowd gasped like their over-reacting selves as the judge continued his picking of acorn pieces, forgetting the case at hand. The penguin sentinoid flushed and nudged the judge in the side, nodding over at the crowd and the fuming victim.

"Er… right... so… what's the proof then?"

Haru just shook his head. This is what you get with 13 year old judges. Anyway, he grabbed the tape handed to him by Shuda and inserted it into the player in the corner of the courtroom. As soon as he turns it on, a huge LCD screen scrolled down from the ceiling, earning another wave of gasps from the crowd. Soon, the video starts playing and Sieg gaped at the images being shown on the sinful tape.

"I demand you to cease that, you perverted bastard!"

Everyone ignored a yelling Sieg and continued staring at the movie being shown. Some were even whistling whenever the image of an ass appeared.

"What's wrong? Can't handle the truth?"

"You bastard! This is a private matter! It's different!"

"Well, it's your fault! You were the one who started it in the first place!"

"But you—"

"STOP, POYO! STOP THE TAPE, POYO! WE HAVE UNDERAGED PEOPLE HERE, POYO!"

"ACK! RUBY! I WANNA SEE!"

"You can't, poyo! You're only thirteen, poyo!"

"But I'm the judge! The honor! I have my own rights! Ruby!"

Everyone lost their focus on the film when they saw Ruby struggling to cover the eyes of the young boy, as Niebel tried his best to get a glimpse. Sending death glares at everyone present in the room, Sieg barked at one of the guards to turn the tape off at once.

Musica was never really the kind of guy to follow anyone's orders, especially that of the suspect, but since he's the guard on duty for today's case, he finds it quite reasonable to turn it off, since the judge himself is also a kid. Still, the ass shots were very lovely to drool over…

Much to everyone's dismay, (well, except Sieg's) Musica turned the power off and the screen returned to the ceiling. Meanwhile, someone got zapped by a lightning bolt when he commented something about 'a fuckable ass'.

Sieg flushed, puffing out his cheeks as he glared at a smirking Shuda.

"That is my proof, your honor." The redhead said, returning to his seat while Niebel stopped his coat from slipping off his shoulder.

"Right, even though I didn't manage to see anything due to the presence of our scribe _here_," a glare for a pouting Ruby, "…still, the sounds were enough proof."

"Niebel, you son of a—"

"Any objections?"

He's aghast. And furious. Never, in his entire life has anyone backstabbed him like that. First, he got sued by his very own lover, then his privacy got turned into a scandal, and now his best friend is mocking him in front of everyone in the courtroom.

'_The world is against me! **Gawds**!'_

Gritting his teeth, Sieg sent another death glare at Shuda and silently vows revenge. If the other thinks he'll win this case, he better prepare himself first.

Not caring about his lawyer, he stood up and directed another harsh glare at the young judge and spoke in a deadly tone.

"I **do** object, your honor. That tape is clearly a hoax!"

"For your information, that was taped last Christmas!" Shuda chided and earned a gaping Sieg. Really, it was priceless.

"Yeah! I saw a Santa hat on the floor too!"

The crowd gasped again while some shrieked when the man who spoke got zapped again by a lightning bolt.

Cracking a new nut, Niebel realizes that this case will get nowhere if neither of the two will let the other win. He has to do something.

"If someone has a better piece of evidence aside from gay porn flicks, I suggest you to kindly share it with us now. I have an acorn delivery package waiting for me!"

Finally, after watching the entire 'upholding of justice' thing, Lucia stood up, strode slowly in front of the table and faced the judge.

"Your honor, I ask you this simple question. Which of the two will you consider the queerest? He who ballet dances and wears a freaking _tutu_, or a man who simply wears blinding pink."

"It's fuchsia pink, for your information!"

Niebel ignored Sieg's correction and stared hard at the bowl of acorns just on the corner of his table. Tutu or Pink?

"Well… obviously, it's the guy who wears a tutu! I mean, a lot of straight guys wear pink."

"True, poyo! I am pink, poyo!"

"Then that is your answer, your honor! It is simply enough to say that we can now end this case now that you've heard the unmistakable truth."

"I object!"

Everyone turned their heads towards Haru, who was beside Lucia in a flash. (Must be Ju Roku Ban…) Private joke between Umi & schyra, desu..

"Just because a man wears a tutu doesn't mean you're an uke! I mean, my dad doesn't wear tutus but he's an uke! See!"

"I… don't get your point." Niebel blinked, and reached for another acorn to crack.

"He simply objects Lucia-san's statement, poyo." Ruby whispered, and Niebel mouthed an 'Oh'.

Scowling at the silver-haired boy, Lucia glared at him. "That's because it's in your blood to be an uke, baka."

omfg! Is my Haru-chan just going to sit there and -_take this-_!

Flushing, Haru glared back at the blond and quietly but quickly went back to his seat. Lucia grinned at this and turned towards the judge.

…apparently, yes.

"Well then. Is the case closed?"

"I suppose…. I mean, there seems to be no objections…"

"WAIT! I have something to say too!"

Sieg stopped his filing of nails and glared at the redhead again. Great. Why is he so persistent?

Nut-cracking again, Niebel glanced at Shuda, anticipating. Is it something big? Vulgar? Even if he's Sieg's best friend, he barely got detailed information from the guardian about his sex life. Especially information that included Shuda.

"What is it then?"

"He attends fancy gay tea parties!"

Everyone gasped again. Even Lucia turned his head and gaped at Sieg. But said man just rolled his eyes and pocketed his nail file. Eyeing Niebel with cold eyes, Sieg replied in a monotone voice. "I merely attend these tea parties because they raise my social ranking."

Now, it was Shuda's turn to gape. And gape. And gape. And gape some more until he looked stoned. Petrified stoned.

Poor guy.

Realizing that it's already past 3, Niebel brought down the mallet because… well, admit it. You can't let the delivery man wait on your doorstep, especially when the packaged acorns are freshly picked by top-notch chipmunks.

"I hereby dismiss this case with my given authority and conclude that Shuda is wronged for accusing Sieg Hart just because the latter wears pink. Shuda, you are charged to pay Sieg Hart 10,000 Edels for suing him. Case closed."

Bringing down the mallet for the last time, Niebel jumped off the high chair with the bowl of acorns in hand and walked out of the courtroom.

Haru sighed and looked at a still stoned Shuda with a forlorn look. Another case down the drain. He's so going to quit this job.

"Oh don't worry, Glory. At least you let me win."

Lucia approached him and snaked his hands around the other's waist, ignoring the other's soft groan. "Come on, let's get some drinks and go home to get the kinks on."

Haru sighed again as he was pulled towards the exit by a rather giddy blond. At least he gets good sex after every failed case.

He stared at the two exiting lovers with a bored gaze, then at Shuda. The red head was still stoned.

'_I guess lying really is a bad thing to do…'_

Mumbling guiltily, Sieg walked towards the red head and gave him a soft peck in the cheek.

"Come on. I'll treat you for a snack and forget about all this. I'll even wear that French maid outfit you ordered last week."

Revived by the other's promise, Shuda quickly forgot about today's event and stared at the guardian.

Not able to resist the other's pitiful gaze, a small smile finds its way on Sieg's lips as he grabbed the other's hand and pulled him towards the exit.

"Oh Shuda, you're the most idiotic man alive! Heavens, come on! I want to try that cheesecake in De la Café de Francé!"

And the two remaining people left the empty courtroom, thus ending today's case.

---

"Neh, Ruby…"

"Doushta no, poyo?"

"…Do you think I really should be a judge?"

"Poyo?"

"I mean… I don't think I'm really quite capable of 'giving justice'."

"Well, you did great, poyo, and we have no complaints from anyone, poyo, so I guess it's okay, poyo."

"I suppose…"

Niebel licked the last drop of lemon on his spoon and set it down. Motioning for Ruby to call the cheque, he turned his head and gazed at the clouds, realizing that he is, indeed, lonely.

**END OF SNIPPET 1**

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Preview of Snippet 2: **Haru wants a cat. Lucia doesn't care a damn. Haru does what he wants most. Lucia get the shock of his life... and maybe the worst rival ever.**  
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	2. What Lucia Fears Most

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Rave. Hiro Mashima did and still does.

**Warning:** Pouting Haru and sporks... xP

**Notes:** …The entire idea is due to… well… the whole thing is cute xD;

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**Snippet 2 – What Lucia Fear Most**

"Neh… Lucia…"

"Hn?"

"I want a cat."

CRACK.

WHAM!

Wide golden eyes stared at Haru with shock. He wants a freaking cat. A furball! What has the world come up to!

"Can we please, Lucy-kun?"

"…"

He kept his silence and ignored one of Haru's tricks; the use of nicknames. Grabbing the broken pieces of the mug, he frowned and twitched and frowned even more until his jaw aches and realize that even if he's the Blond Devil, he can't really frown all day long because he doesn't have any all-day frowning power. Besides, it gives him a wrinkler face.

Glaring at the broken pieces instead, he made his way to the kitchen. He has to get a book on how to keep oneself from shattering mugs when being spoken to about cats.

"Mou! Lucia! You're being mean!"

Eyebrow twitching, Lucia suddenly felt a pang of guilt stabs his heart. Yes. Stab. It stabs him with something worse than Rave, and it hurts even more when his mind keep repeating it in that annoying echoey way.

He whirled around to face the boy and regrets doing so. Haru is pouting. Pouting!

Now, a pouting Haru is NOT good. It is not tolerable for 10 seconds or less. It is the bane of Lucia's life. It can make him dig up a hole and bury himself there 'til kingdom comes. It can make him feel tingly _there_. It can make him pounce on the boy and do something. It can make go and take a cold shower to… well… clean himself. But worse of all, it can make him feel very, very guilty, which is something Lucia barely feel. It makes him want to apologize… and Lucia doesn't apologize to anyone. He's a bad boy. Very bad.

'_I'm such a moron…'_

'_Glad you know.'_ Those eyes were staring at him, those round, angry silver eyes. First the pout, and now the eye trick. He'll never win against them. Why does god created him in an unholy way?

Haru was about to whine at him again when he suddenly opened his mouth and said, "You know what, you can get any furball you want and I won't care a damn!" And he left for the kitchen without reconsidering.

Haru just stood there, staring blankly at the blonde's back. Any pet, he said. And he won't care about any pet he gets.

Realizing the fact, the boy suddenly grinned freakily and quickly left the house, grabbing the key and his coat along the way.

---

**A Few Hours Later**

"Haru? Haru?"

He's worried. He's really worried. Haru's been gone for 2 hours already, and he's still not home yet. He had called Musica, Let… Heck, he even called the wretched centre girl. But sadly, none of them knew where the boy is.

Lucia paced around the living room, fretting about what he should do. Did he anger the boy that much? No… he's the one who's supposed to be angry. Now he's really being selfish.

Pacing even more, he glared at the red trail of the carpet, until something hit him.

'_Masaka!'_

"Shit!"

He hurriedly run to their shared bedroom and wrenched their closet open to find…

'_They're still here…'_

Breathing a sigh of relief, Lucia flopped down onto the bed and stared at the still present clothes.

'_Mou… where are you, Haru?'_

Knowing he can't handle it anymore, he buried his head under the fluffy pillow and breath in Haru's scent. Suddenly, he felt really mean and evil and…

Guilty?

'_I'm really one damn bastard…'_

He stared at the molecular-sized holes of the pillow, fisting his hand son the blanket until he heard the sound of the door opening.

Knowing he has to apologize no matter how much it hurts his pride, he quickly left the room and _jumped_ down the stairs to find a quite happy Haru, crouched in the floor with…

"A _**HAMSTER**_!"

Innocent gray eyes stare at horrid yellow ones, and then he smiled sweetly at the flabbergasted blonde and calmly said, "Well, you did say I can have any pet I want, right? Since I can pet you like a cat, I thought why not a hamster? Besides, it's very cute! Mitte!"

As if to emphasize it, he held the hamster at eye level, shoving it right in front of Lucia.

And Lucia was so sure the hamster is smirking at him.

Then he screamed on top of his lungs.

And Haru shrieked even louder when Lucia started to stab the hamster dead with a spork.

**END OF SNIPPET TWO**


	3. LAMP

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rave. Hiro Mashima does though. LAMP is a company owned the insane dudettes in and its products are not to be copied, duplicate, plagiarize, mutate, photograph, steal and most importantly sue by the readers. Thank you.

**Author's note:** This idea hit me when I'm reading a thread in RW about Mini-Rionette lamps. Yes, ye heard me right. _Mini_-Rionette _egglamps_. Ain't that cute? D It sure is, so read on! Btw, I know this is shorter than my usual posts but... well, it isn't suppose to be about the two anyway. The idea just hit me and I used the Snippet as an excuse to post it.

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** Snippet 3 – L.A.M.P. **

"Neh? Has anyone bought that new Mini-Rionette lamp?"

"Is it on sale already?"

"I want it, poyo! Its very blue, poyo!"

The gang walk side by side in the street of… well, Punk Street, until Julia saw the said lamp with a floating Rionette figuring inside. And she's quite stuck to it, too.

"Ano, Julia-chan? Did you—huh?"

Belnika stopped on her tracks and the others followed suit when they noticed the blond steps behind them.

"Oi! Julia! Hurry it up, would ya?"

No answer. Julia was hypnotized by the lamp, greatly.

One by one they wave their hand and yelled and shake and scream at the blonde. They even try kicking at her shins, though it didn't work at all. Even Haru has to strip off his clothes to see if it'll work its magic on here, though it only ended up with a stray newspaper covering his golden ass.

Sadly, no matter how strong they can get, they aren't that smart, actually. They tried looking at the little devil on display, and it was Musica who was first sucked into the power of the almighty Mini-Rionette lamp. Now, everyone is freaked.

Haru followed his two zombified friends' gazes, and suddenly, he felt much like a moth.

Seeing this, Elie quickly yelled to warn him.

"Haru! Don't follow the light!"

And then the little lamp disappeared in the blink of an eye and was suddenly replaced with—

Mannequins wearing the latest designs of Shuda-brand thongs.

As fast as the little lamps disappeared, the hypnotism left and the two blinked once, twice, then thrice and their jaw fell on the fourth blink, meeting the thongs eye to crotch. Not everyone is willing to face the wrath of Shuda's very own brand of lingerie.

Knowing they'll only traumatize themselves furthermore, the gang left the spot, keeping in mind to never go near any shop that is Let's Ass Mass Production, ala LAMP.

**End of Snippet 3**

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**Preview:** On snippet 4, you get Sieg, Shuda, butter, ashes of a burnt magazine and a couch. 


	4. Night with the Butter

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rave. Don't sue me. Neither do I own any magazine company.

**Author's Note:** I dunno why I suddenly got the idea of using butter, especially as an instrument for sex. Much less, Sieg using weird stuffs as beauty products... Gah… Anyways, as usual, a new Snippet contains a new weird and twisted plot

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** Snippet 4 – A Night with the Butter**

His late. He's very late.

Shuda glanced down at his watch again, finding it hard to believe that Sieg, of all people, is late. Very late.

Biting his lower lip, he peered at the crowd, standing outside the fancy restaurant. He's worried sick. It's already 8 in the evening, an hour past the appointed time.

"Damn… Where _are_ you…"

He hugged his coat tighter, body heat not enough against the cold winter wind. And it's not helping him at all.

He fret and fret, fisting and unfisting his hands until finally, he can't take it anymore. It's taking too late, 45 minutes past their date, and his very cold.

Making up his mind, Shuda quickly left the place and head straight the tower where the blue head lives.

---

He stared at himself in front of the mirror.

"I hate my conscience."

Running back to the bathroom, Sieg tried to wash the stinking substance from his face. Again.

Cursing rather colorfully, he tried to rub the yellow substance away, the smell getting onto his nerves. He's gonna die.

"**Gawds**!" He yelled, frustrated. Throwing the towel down at the sink, he's definitely _not_ going to touch another butter again. And he blame it all on his damn conscience.

_'Come on, dear. Try this technique. It work well with all the women! It won't let you down! You can find the page number in the content page.'_

"Screw the sales lady, damn it! Why didn't I even consider I'm not a woman in the first place! Stupid woman, stupid magazine, stupid butter! GAH!"

Actually, the butter isn't really that much of a threat. Well, at first that is, if his wretched conscience didn't told him to try the sales lady's advice.

"How in the nine hells' name did this happen again?"

Exactly. How?

He glared at the magazine lying on top of the couch, at the embossed word of 'butter'. Recalling the not-so-convincing words of the saleslady, he asks himself again why he even bother with beauty tips from craps when his natural beauty rival's Adonis?

Oh yeah, the thought that there's nothing to lose. Yeah, right...

"Nothing to lose my ass..."

He glared at the magazine harder, the butter's reek making it colder. With a flick of the wrist, the little pack of papers quickly shot up in a fire, leaving ashes and a scorched mark in the couch.

Sighing, he returned his gaze back at the mirror and stare at his glistening cheeks. He's definitely going to die, either from shame or stupidity.

Not only is he late for their date... no, very late, he corrected himself, but he had also put himself in such pitiful state.

Realizing he'll need more than soap or detergent to get rid of the stink, he went to his study to grab his spell books and find a way to end the terror of the butter.

He left the room, books on hand. He was about to go back up to his room when he heard the front door opening.

Stopping suddenly, Sieg stared at the door and rethought his thoughts again. Run and hide or lock the door and stop whoever it is on the other side.

He thought and thought again. He even consider screaming like a psycho to see if it'll scare whoever it is on the other side. But all he did is just glare at the door, daring it to explode with cold purple eyes. The door did open, though accompanied with a 'Bang'.

Instead of frying the person right on, the books had fallen to the floor with thumps as purple eyes stared back at red.

Why is he surprise again?

---

What he really expected to see once he entered the house was a Sieg eating popcorns, sprawled on the sofa watching one of those drama movies. Sadly, all he got is a Sieg with fallen books around him, looking like he had just gotten poured by a cauldron of oil.

Shuda walked closer until he's only a foot away from the guardian. That was when he smelled the stink.

He sniffed around, forcing Sieg to shrink and back away from the offending nose. Finally, a bright red eye (HA! Shuda only got one eye here!) settled on the bluenette steadily. "Damn it, Sieg. I've been waiting for you for god damn hours and you're here reeking of... shit."

Shit.

Shit, he said.

"Shuda, you're a bastard."

"And you were late for our date. 2 _fucking_ hours late."

Sieg pouted at the red head. Its not his fault, right?

Wait... It is. _'Oh **gawds**_...'

He closes his eyes then opened but closed them again. He avoided the other's stare and instead bore his gaze on the red carpeted floor.

Shuda sighed. This'll be very hard. A pouting Sieg is pretty much whiny, annoying, and most of all, uncooperative. He's not what you think he really is. He ain't cold, silent or mysterious person everyone knew. He's the exact opposite. Bossy, noisy, arrogant and... well, he's the bane of Shuda's existence.

"Listen--"

"No, you listen!"

Shuda blinked and stared at Sieg with confusion. Did he got cut off? Oh no, here he goes... _'Knew it should have brought those earmuffs...'_

"Just because I'm late doesn't mean that I've forgotten about it! Because for your very good opinion ala information, I'm reek of **_shit_** is because of the idea of seeing you in this freaking date! In fact, this **_shit_** isn't even shit! Its **_butter_** for fuck's sake! Damn it! I'm sorry, alright! I hate you!"

Again, Shuda just blinked and stared at Sieg who's trying to catch his breath. Well, that's a bit shorter than usual...

"You could have at least just give me a call-"

"If you didn't left your phone here in the first place." Sieg said, finger pointing at the said phone in the coffee table.

Shuda opened his mouth but closed it after a second thought. He glanced at the leather sofa then at Sieg's bedroom door then back to the said man and then at the door again. The idea always work, though its effectiveness keeps lowering the more he abuses the power of it. Its like some RPG abilities.

Cementing his decision to his tombstone, Shuda grab hold of Sieg's hand and pulled him toward the latter's bedroom.

---

"Shuda..."

"Hn..."

"Love you..."

"...Ah."

"...What do you think about it?"

"It's okay, I suppose... Only if it didn't leave some shitty smell."

"Well, its butter, right? What can you do about it?"

"Aside from being a food and lubricant, what else can you think of?"

**End of Snippet 4**

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**Preview:** French fries aren't made in France. English muffins aren't made in England. What about Plue?


End file.
